Presumptive Republican Presidential Nominee Donald J. Trump has announced, prior to the Republican convention in Cleveland, OH, a major addition to his “short” list for the Office of Vice President of United States. Former award-winning Thoroughbred Jockey and 1983 Preakness Stakes winner Donnie Miller Jr. (Don Miller Jr.) clocks in at 5’ 6”, and is a full 9 inches shorter than the imposing figure of Mr. Trump.
Trump was overheard saying, “I can’t think of a more qualified person to be on my “short” list,” and went on to say, “This guy is a winner! He knows how to win! He’s won so many times I can’t count that high. He’s won, something like, almost 3,000 races and a Triple Crown race—now that’s a winner! This guy is a winner, a BIG winner, and I love winners!”
Private bookies across the United States are in conflict with the major bookmakers in Las Vegas and Ladbrook, placing Miller’s odds of getting the nod at 4 to 1 versus 14 to 1, which interestingly enough are the same odds laid on him while winning the 1983 Preakness on Deputed Testamony. “Clearly, you can’t count this guy out,” said Bob Smith, a small time bookie at Pimlico Race Course.
Miller laid out for Trump his vision and plans to revitalize urban areas, such as inner city Baltimore, to which Trump secretly confided that he’s very impressed with Don’s knowledge of real estate and the economy, and thinks he’d be an amazing asset for the American people.
A clearly excited Trump didn’t stop there, again being overheard saying, “Anyone who has the ability to navigate a 1000-pound animal at 40 miles an hour with faulty steering and brakes and little brains should have no trouble dealing with Congress!”
Trump went on to say, “In addition, Don will have no problem dealing with foreign dignitaries, because most are taller than he is, so most of what they say will go right over his head,” a joke only “The Donald” could pull off.
Currently, Miller has a small real estate brokerage –Don Miller Realty—in the Catonsville area of Baltimore. He spends most of his time working with new investors, helping them learn real estate investing from the ground up alongside more seasoned investors. “We’re going to ‘Make Baltimore Great Again!’” said Miller.
Undoubtedly, if Miller accepts the VP nod, he will need to broaden his immediate Baltimore revitalization plans. He further indicated that he will help Trump include all Americans—no matter their height—in his plans to “Make America Great Again!” Miller concluded that “He is honored to be on the “short” list and plans to stand as tall as President Trump needs!”
The Trump campaign declined to verify reports that Miller will speak at the Republican National Convention alongside many other athletes already scheduled to appear.
* Note: The contents of this news article, like so much this campaign season, cannot be—nor likely will be—independently verified or authenticated. *It should go without saying, this is a spoof.